i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize