I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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