I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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