So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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