is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh god it's open bar.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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