oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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