At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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