Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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