Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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