but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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