He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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