Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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