I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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