Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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