DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize