Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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