FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
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my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize