About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize