I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize