dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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