She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize