i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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