you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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