I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
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I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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