So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize