i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
thus making me awesome and them whores
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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