Life is so much better after having sex.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize