He disabled his match.com account in front of me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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