I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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