very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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