She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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