she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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