I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize