moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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