I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize