i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
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Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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