So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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