i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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