just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize