Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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