I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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