forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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