Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize