I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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