Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
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Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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