He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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