My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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