If i come over, it means nothing
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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