Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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