i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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