What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
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A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I deserve this hangover.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize