Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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