Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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