its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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